The Asian Gaze

Today I had a break from class, so I explored a bit with Steve and his dad. We intended to go visit the Forbidden City, but we were so hungry we at first and by the time we finished, we did not have enough time. The food was great, though!

Before I came to China, all the American students were warned that Chinese people might stare at them, fascinated by blond hair and light skin. I immediately assumed I would escape these stares since I look Chinese. I expected to blend in. Now that I am here, I seem to attract more attention than the blond, light-skinned people! As I walked down the street with light-haired Steve and his bald dad, it was the sight of me that made people turn their heads as they walked and stare me down.

You know how most Americans, when caught staring, or even when their eyes meet someone else’s, will lower their eyes or pretend to be looking past the person they were staring at? Chinese people don’t do that. When I caught people staring at me, they continued to unabashedly stare at me so that I lowered my eyes in shame. When Steve suggested I stare back, I realized that I literally could not do it. So, Mom, I learned well – now, it is quite impossible for me to stare!

I don’t know whether it is because I look American or whether it is because they cannot figure out whether I am American or Chinese, or whether it is because I look Chinese but I am hanging out with two male laowai. At a restaurant, the man at the next table sat turned around in his seat to stare at me. The restaurant had huge tanks of fish swimming around, and at one point, a fish managed to jump out of his tank and fall to the floor, where he flopped around for a good ten minutes before a waitress very nonchalantly picked him up by the tail and tossed him back into the tank. We Americans stared and laughed at the fish flopping around on the ground, but nobody else seemed to notice. Actually, they were all looking at us looking at the fish. So, a fish flopping around on the floor of a restaurant is quite common in China, but a bunch of Americans looking at a fish flopping around the floor – now that’s entertainment!